tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34836786838295492402024-03-13T03:39:51.071-07:00Compassion: Yoshihiro Inoue Facing His Sinscompassionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05086958789910921941noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3483678683829549240.post-3372829189371037882018-04-12T01:53:00.000-07:002018-04-12T01:53:33.959-07:00Reflection<div align="right">
February 6, 2018</div>
<div align="right">
</div>
<div align="right">
</div>
Now that all of the procedures of the court cases regarding Aum have finished, I again feel so sorry about what we have done, and how much pain we have caused for the victims and the people around.<br />
I have constantly been thinkingwhy we did such a thing. At the time, we truly believed that we were rescuing the people from Armageddon. That, of course, was an imaginary scenario that Asahara made up. But we believed that Asahara was the only person who could possibly know Gods’ will.<br />
I was 18 years old when I ran away from my family and started to live in the sect, where is remote and totally closed from the society. Since then, I have abandoned to think for myself and given up all of my responsibilities as a grown up person. This is the scariest thing that Aum has done to me.<br />
Asahara used everything from classical yoga, buddhism to drugs in order to destroy the individuality of the believers manipulated us into being his tools. We stopped thinking about social norms, became numb to conscience and lost our senses of judgements. This was how our minds became controlled by Asahara. The harder we followed Asahara’s practices,the more we were controlled, losing ourselves, our humanities and emotions.<br />
All of us, including Asahara lost the sense of responsibilities we hold within the society. We all felt superior, that somehow, our action was the definite justice beyond common sense. This mindset led us to committing horrible crimes.<br />
Our lack of responsibilities reflected on the court cases. <br />
Asahara just shut his mouth and kept quiet. Ex-believers, including me explained and apologized for what happened. But I regret to this day that I could have talked more about individual responsibilities by reflecting what I was thinking inside.<br />
I wonder; how did I lose my sense of responsibility? <br />
This question reminds me of the time when I started to adore Asahara.During my summer break, the third year of high school, I went to one of his lectures. He said to the audience “Salvation is to be a drop of water. Stay clear and dive into the bigriver”. I remember thinking strongly; “I want to be like that!”. I learned it much later that this thought is called the totalitarianism and that the Japanese military during the war acted upon this idea. I now realize that I had the tendency to appreciate such an idea - to deny individuality in order to serve the public. That was my problem. But being under the influence of totalitarianism doesn't excuse any of us from our own responsibilities, no matter how heavily or lightly we were involved. After all, it was my choice to believe in Asahara, which was the start to all of the crimes. <br />
Now, I am awaiting my death penalty, facing guilt and death. <br />
Facing guilt, I realize the victims’ sadness, pain, sorrow, but it is never enough. Facing death, I realize how meaningful our lives are. Taking away somebody’s life is unforgivable and I know I have no way to compensate for what I have done. I am constantly in search for what I can do. This has made me feel incomparable desperation over and over again. There were times where I thought I cannot stand it anymore and that I will go crazy. <br />
In Japan after world war two, as the economy grew, we were going more and more materialistic. On the other hand, many people lost their mental footing, and Aum attracted those, especially young people.Aum was supposed to rescue people, however, what we did was totally the opposite.I don’t know how to express how sorry I am.<br />
Since then, an organization called Aleph has succeeded Aum without knowing how awful and dangerous their thoughts are. They are using yoga and Buddhism as before, which attract young people who are lost in their lives, enlarging their organization. They do not realize how responsible we are for the case - they even argue that Asahara is not guilty. Now Aleph is under government observation, however, this does not mean this stops them from brainwashing their believers. I am so afraid that they will repeat the crime sooner or later. <br />
As long as I have my life, I will think of the victims and my responsibilities. I will also try to find what I can do, even if it is a tiny thing to prevent this crime from repeating itself. <br />
<br />
<div align="right">
Yoshihiro Inoue</div>
compassionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05086958789910921941noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3483678683829549240.post-6271133815532712312017-01-29T01:23:00.000-08:002017-01-29T01:26:26.403-08:00Thoughts on the movie "Lincoln"Criminals on Japan's death row can watch 4 movies in a month. Yoshihiro watched "Lincoln" and will be posting his impressions of it, which he wrote down.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
September 7, 2016</div>
<br />
Lincoln was the 16th president of the United States who declared the emancipation of slaves and led the North to victory in the Civil War. The main cause of the Civil War was the South's opposition to the North's movement to free the slaves. Therefore, it was said that emancipation and the end of the Civil War were mutually exclusive and that the two realities could never coexist. I felt as if the heart and character of Lincoln, as he worked towards this seemingly impossible goal, may hold a key to solving the problems of war and terrorism currently going on in the world today.<br />
<br />
"Things which are equal to the same thing are equal to each other." There was a scene in which Lincoln spoke of this belief which he shared with the mathematician Euclid from over 2000 years ago. Lincoln says, as if questioning himself, that Euclid declared this to be a self evident truth. "We begin with equality. That's the origin, isn't it? That's balance, that's fairness, that's justice," he continues, and makes a decision to work towards the seemingly impossible goal of the unification of North and South.<br />
<br />
I was surprised and moved by the sense of justice he espoused because it uproots the justice found in the stark contrast of good versus evil seen in war, terrorism and cult religion and replaces it with the notion of equality as justice.<br />
<br />
There are many episodes throughout the movie in which he makes offhanded remarks implying that this is not simple equality or ideology. I felt that this is not a set form of justice, rather, it has no form, and encompasses and ties together a myriad of contradictions.<br />
<br />
I learned for the first time the historical context in which a "government of the people, by the people, for the people," a democratic reality which Lincoln risked and spent his life protecting, came to be and flourish.<br />
<br />
I deeply feel the sinfulness of the high crime that I committed in the name of salvation and the value of life. I cannot help praying that this kind of incident never happens again.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
Yoshihiro Inoue</div>
compassionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05086958789910921941noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3483678683829549240.post-5889744621934334882016-12-14T07:25:00.000-08:002017-01-24T00:17:06.963-08:00Request for help with our petition<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">"The group supporting Yoshihiro Inoue, a criminal condemned to live and continue to atone for his crimes and sins," which was established in Kyoto, where Yoshihiro Inoue was born and raised, is collecting signatures for a petition to prevent his execution. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">We are against the death penalty system itself, based on the belief </span>that any form of killing is unforgivable, for any reason. There is a possibility that Yoshihiro's death sentence could be overturned if a retrial were to take place. Yoshihiro was sentenced to life imprisonment during his first trial and to death during his second, indicating that opinions on the death penalty differ, even among judges. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Yoshihiro called upon the Aum believers to withdraw
from the religious community through his court testimonies. He has also devoted himself to uncovering the truth of the incident. If his death penalty were to be carried out, we would lose an important clue for preventing the reoccurrence of, and solving problems related to, such terrorist incidents. Therefore, in order to prevent similar incidents, we desire that Yoshihiro continue to live so that he can atone for his sins in the future as well. In addition, we would like him to devote himself to revealing the whole picture of the Aum incident, which is still not clear to this day.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">We would be very grateful for your signature and support.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">If you agree with our cause, please download a signature sheet from the link below and send it with your signature thereon to the address written on it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<span lang="EN-US"><a href="http://yoshi392.sakura.ne.jp/21.pdf">Signature sheet</a></span><br />
<br />
<a href="http://yoshi392.sakura.ne.jp/eitop.html">The group supporting Yoshihiro Inoue</a><br />
<br /></div>
compassionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05086958789910921941noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3483678683829549240.post-13497694181423939622016-12-11T21:28:00.000-08:002017-01-05T05:33:14.413-08:00The 20th Year of The Sarin Gas Attack on Tokyo SubwayWe post a letter written by Yoshihiro in 2015.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
March 22, 2015</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">It is 20 years since
the sarin gas attack on Tokyo subway occurred. I cannot help reflecting on how
the fatalities, the bereaved families and the injured persons suffering from the
aftereffects would have spent their days if we hadn’t caused the incident. All
I can do is just to make my apologies to them and to contemplate the pain of my
crime.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Every time I see
and hear the news that wars and terrorist attacks in the name of God occurred
all over the world, many people were robbed of their irreplaceable lives in
them or have suffered from them, those news acutely grieve me overlapping with
my thoughts on the victims of my high crime.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Why do such
incidents occur in the name of God?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I simply outline
terrorist attacks based on religion from the perspective of the person who has committed
the high crime in the name of God, namely me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Looking back on
those days, I got to leave judgment between right and wrong up to Asahara, the
founder of Aum Shinrikyo, regarded as the only person who knew God’s will by
blindly believing the just cause of saving people from the Armageddon (the
final war in the world based on eschatology) in accordance with God’s will which
Asahara set.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">As a result, I gave
up a sense of responsibility for my own words and actions which I should have
had as a member of society naturally by following the teaching that we must not
think for ourselves after I became a priest at the age of 18, and I stayed
unchanged.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Asahara who had
his followers at his beck and call in the name of salvation completely lacked a
sense of responsibility for what resulted from his instructions to them as a
member of society.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">As described above,
actually we all the followers of Asahara were not aware of the responsibility
for our own words and actions as a member of society and conceited ourselves to
be men of absolute justice which led to God beyond morality, and such our
irresponsible behaviors escalated into the high crimes.<span style="color: red;">
</span>“A lack of awareness of having committed a crime in the name of God” is probably
one of the essences of cult religion.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">By delving into
this actual state in terms of the relationship between the founder and his
follower for God as transcendent existence, it is clarified that the practice
of the religious faith functions to deviate from the rules.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">According to
Asahara, the founder of the cult religion, when practicing asceticism on the
beach in 1986, he was ordered to be “the Lord leading the navy and fighting” by
God, asked God “May I use the force as a means?” and received the revelation “take
the order” from God. It can be said that this revelation was the beginning of
all the incidents caused by Aum.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Afterwards, Asahara
began to preach on a theory of religious conflict and to justify himself by
saying that God delegated the right and the power to overstep the social rules
to him in his arrogance to distinguish the savers from the saved, the
unordinary from the ordinary. He blindly believed himself to be transcendent
existence like God, and by identifying himself with God that he imaged, he
replaced his ambitions with the orders from God and ordered us his followers to
achieve them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">We his followers blindly
believed Asahara to be transcendent existence as God and were mistaken in
thinking that we could be identified with God as transcendent existence and saved
by obeying him(it was buddhistically interpreted as attainment of enlightenment
in the group of Aum). I can say that in such a relationship between the founder
as God and his followers, we really assumed that the orders in the name of God were
given the power to overstep the social rules and obedience to them was absolute
justice of God beyond right and wrong in human society because God was
transcendent existence, and we obeyed the founder.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Is this the mechanism
common to terrorist attacks based on religion all over the world?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">While I think that
there are various religions around the world and each of the religious persons
considers God whom he believes in to be right, I keenly realize from my
mistakes that we need to have a sense of humility to be aware that even if God
whom we believe in is an absolute being for us, it doesn’t necessarily mean
that our judgments or actions based on the belief in God are absolutely right
as well. It is because we human beings are different from God, cannot become
God no matter how firmly we believe in God, stay human beings permanently and sometimes
make mistakes. That is to say the group of Aum should never have justified its
own desires by replacing them with the orders from God.<span style="color: red;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Reviewing what I thought and carried out, I have
noticed that the loss of empathy with others, namely dehumanization started
exactly when I thirsted for the salvation and tried to identify myself with God
or the person worshiped as an absolute being. In the Aum incidents, we imposed
the salvation in which we believed on society at the sacrifice of many
irreplaceable lives. I feel full of remorse for having done such excessively sinful
and foolish acts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">As a person, I intend to face up to my crimes, be
aware of the responsibility for them, consider continuously what I can do and put
it into action one by one as long as my life lasts so that this kind of
incident can never occur again in the name of salvation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;">
Yoshihiro Inoue</div>
</div>
compassionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05086958789910921941noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3483678683829549240.post-41552369137382232762016-12-08T04:30:00.000-08:002017-01-05T02:59:37.252-08:00So As Not to Have the Mistake Repeated by Future Generations, Chapter 10<a href="http://compassion1025yoshihiro.blogspot.jp/2016/12/so-as-not-to-have-mistake-repeated-in.html">Click here for the ninth chapter.</a><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Chapter 10 Sorrow and Love</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I began to read
the novels of Dostoevsky on the advice of my teachers, in order to learn what
it means to atone for a crime, identifying my crimes with the crimes described
in his books. I felt Dostoevsky gave a cold look at a person tortured by a
guilty conscience, and I thought the reason for it was that a pang of guilt
resulted from regret for having committed a crime, but didn't mean awareness of
responsibility for a crime yet. And I found this passage when I read on,
considering what responsibility for a crime is: </span><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">"Mother, everyone
is really responsible to all men for all men and for everything. I don't know
how to explain it to you, but I feel it is so, painfully even." (The Brothers
Karamazov, Fyodor Dostoevsky)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">When I read this
passage, tears were flowing down my face for some reason. And then I felt I
realized when I had radically strayed from the right path, that was when I had
been deeply impressed with Asahara during summer vacation in my third year of
high school. In his idle talk with his disciples, Asahara stated "emancipation
is like becoming a drop of water. The practice of salvation is that a
transparent drop of water melts into a great river as it is". I strongly wanted
to melt into the flow of a great river made of mercy, as a transparent drop of
water. This wish was my starting point of my activities in Aum Shinrikyo.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">Asahara called the person who was a drop of water the "new breed of
humans" who had developed one's spirituality by training. Then he regarded
enlightening humans by the "new breed of humans" as salvation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Now, I think the "new
breed of humans" philosophy itself was the reason for my serious crime. That is
because the way of thinking was absolutely an arrogant assumption of salvation,
which excluded all meanings of existence by others who had different values,
and was absolutely his own narcissistic work. It was Aum's training which
deepened such narcissism. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">At that time, I
underwent various mystical experiences by training. Then, because of a light inside
of me and because of an enlargement of my consciousness, I had a feeling that I
was trying to touch life itself. Through that, I deepened my belief that,
rather than rules of real society, it was Asahara's teaching based on such mystical
experiences that were true. Soon I started to believe that Asahara, as the person
who had reached final enlightenment, embodied life itself. As a result, I felt
afraid of him dominating and depriving the lives of others, but I felt a sense
that there was no way to go against him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In the final
analysis my error was that I entrapped myself in Asahara's exclusive possession
of my life. I felt the opposite of such exclusive possession of life in the story
of "The Brothers Karamazov". <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">When I was a first
year high school student, I saw lonely old men and old women in a hospital for seniors.
I felt that old people were abandoned, which made me angry. I thought, "I
should do something to change this". Back then, although I didn't know "how to
explain", at that time, in front of these old people who seemed to be
abandoned, without feeling true sympathy or love to others, I merely looked on
them, in this sense, I was a criminal. Rather than feeling anger, I should have
felt deep sorrow. By feeling deep, deep sorrow about human suffering, I should
have been aware of the human state in which he or she couldn't live without
committing some sin. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">Now, I feel that "the great transparent river of mercy" doesn't exist,
and should not exist. If one person separates himself or herself from others,
and if he or she believe that he or she is only excellent compared with others,
and believes that he or she is absolutely right, how can the person understand the
sorrow and suffering of humans who can't live without sinning? How can he or
she sincerely sympathize with others, understand others, and love others? I
didn't understand even one of those important points. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">On top of that,
according to what I have learned after my arrest, the mystical experience induced
by the training was essentially to realize the common state which existed
inside of the life. It was for a deep understanding of "even if the state of life
is very different, all creatures are kept alive equally by all life". However,
because of my mystical experience, I fooled myself into thinking I was special.
And then, I had a huge ego thinking that I was allowed to do more things than
others on the pretext of saving many people. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I should have dived
into the vast expanse of experiences made up of people's lives - their uncleanness,
sufferings and sorrows - rather than "the great transparent river of mercy",
which was nothing more than narcissism. And then I should have personally
learned what it meant to love someone in the sorrow of living.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">"What can I do?" When I can do nothing and I am crouching down in a prison cell, it seems that
sorrow related to various crimes come to me. The indescribable sufferings of
victims of various crimes overlap with my thoughts on the victims of my crime. I
feel a stabbing pain in my chest. Everyone who is in prison didn't want to
commit a crime, did they? I keenly feel the
sorrow of criminals who committed crimes despite that.</span><span style="font-family: "ms 明朝" , serif;"> </span><span lang="EN-US"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Is there salvation
for those who suffer from a sense of sin by this awareness? I can't help asking
myself. But I just can't come up with the right answer. But once more, I have
come to the painful realization of how foolish it is to have blindly believed that
there was salvation through the cause, and how deeply sinful it is to have pretended
to be a saint, to have talked about saving people. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">When I was in middle
and high school, I despised the sins and contradictions that humans created and
I rejected them. Because of this rejection, I was driven by a sense of justice
that I should reform modern-day society as it heads toward Armageddon. I
pretended to be a good person thinking that I was a prominent leader. But in
fact, I was self-absorbed in our salvation story, I immured myself, I lost
sympathy which a person should have towards others. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Nevertheless, I was
under the vain conceit of presuming that I was a Bodhisattva-destined to bear
the burden of the suffering of others. And so I had come to view all things on
my own convenient terms, on the mistaken premise that I was doing good for the
sake of my fellow man. In the end, we imposed our "salvation" on a general public
who didn't want Aum's salvation at all. We took the irreplaceable lives of
others. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">As I look on such serious
crimes, I become dejected at the seriousness of my crime and the sorrow. However,
the more my despair deepens, the more I feel the power of life that thrives
within me. I feel that this power visits me not only from my desire to live,
but also from life's love, which is more grand and keeps an eye on every life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The more I feel the
love for the life of the boundless affection of living creatures, I keenly feel
how horrible and sinful it is to have taken away these lives. I feel so sorry
for the victims. I was overflowing with tears that wouldn't stop. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Why did this kind
of thing happen?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">At least, I can't help asking myself again and again so that this kind
of incident can never occur again in the name of salvation.<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">The End.</span></div>
compassionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05086958789910921941noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3483678683829549240.post-714169152730480552016-12-06T02:54:00.000-08:002017-01-05T02:59:24.368-08:00So As Not to Have the Mistake Repeated by Future Generations, Chapter 9<a href="http://compassion1025yoshihiro.blogspot.jp/2016/11/so-as-not-to-have-mistake-repeated-in_29.html">Click here for the eighth chapter.</a><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Chapter 9 The Awareness of the Crimes</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">When I turned my
face toward my parents just after the second trial judgment was pronounced in
court, my mother called my name strongly in no voice and cried with her face
crumpling, and my father closed his eyes still with his face distorted
bitterly.</span><span lang="EN-US"> </span><span lang="EN-US">The figures of my parents are branded in my mind, and tears well up in
my eyes whenever I remember them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I terribly worried
about my parents than myself and keenly recognized for the first time how deeply
the families who had been suddenly bereaved of their family members were
pained, sad and tortured. The thoughts how much the fatalities would have been
concerned about their families, been regretful and fearful about being suddenly
snatched were approaching me clearly. And I understood I absolutely had to
reward my too serious crime.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">On the other hand,
I was incredibly shocked that the life imprisonment sentence of the first trial
was assumed to be misconception and therefore I was sentenced to death in the
second though no new criminal evidences were presented, the fact situation was
not confirmed by the examination of the accused and I was not given even an
opportunity to explain the misconception from the beginning in the second
court.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">However, this
cannot be compared with the regret of the victims who lost their lives though
there were no faults on their parts, so I just bowed my head without being able
to find the words.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-US">I agreed to the proposal
of my legal counsel for the final appeal. All my words and actions were by no
means such that the second trial judgment could assume the first to be
misconception. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">"The Group
supporting Yoshihiro Inoue, a criminal condemned to live and continue atoning
for his crimes and sins" started on January 11<sup>th</sup>, 2007 in relation to Mr. Yusyo
Koto who had taught me religious studies in my first year at Rakunan Senior
High School and gave testimony at the first trial. Mr. Gyoyo Kodama acting as a
representative of the group is the former director of
the institute for Shinshu sect religious doctrines of Otani school of Shinshu
sect and one of the Buddhist priests inheriting the teachings of Shinran. Furthermore,
my teachers and friends of the group besides my parents lent me a helping hand
and gave me the opportunity to look back on my own crimes and sins. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I had thought it my
responsibility to have committed the crimes until then, but in the back of my
mind, I had defended myself by thinking "I had no choice but to commit the
crimes because I had been deceived and given the fear of death by Asahara". To
put it another way, I had attributed my crimes to Asahara and turned my eyes
away from them actually. However by facing up to my death, I got to be aware of
having to take the full responsibility for the crimes and also the sins of
having believed his teaching by myself. Thereby the overwhelmingly strong sense
of not excusing myself for them any more surges up within me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In the admonition given
in the first trial judgment, Mr. Hiromichi Inoue spoke to me as follows:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">"You must throw
away all of your pride, self-esteem, arrogance and conceit that caused you to
commit these incidents, and spend your days apologizing as an obedient person."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">What I think
honestly when I apply myself to his words and phrases again now is described
below.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-US">My pride caused me
to try to support the murder deceiving myself though I realized that I was not
able to carry out it. Because of my pride in saving others and being ascetic, I
avoided accepting my inability to act as required.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">My self-esteem caused
me to join Aum Shinrikyo and to be absorbed in it. I was confident of my
ability in the religious training. The other members of the Aum group believed
it to be unusual as well and I was proud of it. Such my self-esteem made me try
to deal with the difficult tasks assigned by Asahara. As a result, I had
committed many crimes. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">My arrogance
caused me to take the irreplaceable lives of others in the name of salvation. I
thought the world to be destroyed by Armageddon seriously as if I had
understood everything in it despite no sufficient experiences in the complex
society. In addition, I didn't try to know the reality of living of others and
looked down on them for spending their lives meaninglessly in ignorance of the
truth. And, I blindly believed that we had to save many people from Armageddon
even though there would be sacrifices to be made by. Such my thoughts were
arrogance itself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">My conceit caused
me to lose the social skills. At that time, I entirely believed that guru's
will were absolutely right and I could not make a mistake as long as I
practiced what the guru intended to do. And I completely lost the viewpoint of
judgment on my actions and was not be able to look at the world outside of Aum
Shinrikyo any more. Such my conceit made me lose the social skills and the
human heart gradually.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In conclusion,
such my desire caused me to commit the incidents.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I continued
suppressing my conscience by my pride, self-esteem, arrogance and conceit. This
is why I supported the murder without considering the lives of others and the
other followers of Aum. I denied the dignity of others that should be called "life" by suppressing my conscience.<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><a href="http://compassion1025yoshihiro.blogspot.jp/2016/12/so-as-not-to-have-mistake-repeated-in_8.html">Continued to the tenth chapter.</a></span></div>
compassionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05086958789910921941noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3483678683829549240.post-78151862655739616812016-11-29T06:58:00.000-08:002017-01-05T02:59:11.530-08:00So As Not to Have the Mistake Repeated by Future Generations, Chapter 8<a href="http://compassion1025yoshihiro.blogspot.jp/2016/11/so-as-not-to-have-mistake-repeated-in_22.html">Click here for the seventh chapter.</a><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Chapter 8 The heinous criminal</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Why did the
religious sect aim for the armed revolution?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: -.1pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">In the chapter "Blind Nightmare" in "Underground" by Haruki Murakami,
he</span><span lang="EN-US"> </span><span lang="EN-US">raises
a question that there is the possibility that the logic and the system of
ordinary people and the logic and the system of Aum Shinrikyo shared images
like a kind of two mirrors. On top of that, he states that, in the system
(highly controlled society), the power process aimed at attaining autonomy is
only the mirror image of the other-dependent power process enforced by the
system, autonomy and dependency are like light and shade, caught in the pull of
each other's gravity, after considerable trial and error, each individual can
find his or her own place in the world. </span><span lang="EN-US">And
he said "The reason why a person fails to achieve this balance is that balanced
and soft self-development is impeded at some stage for some reason. When
shelving that impediment, </span><span lang="EN-US">he or </span><span lang="EN-US">she tries to overcome only by a
hard logic called "</span><span lang="EN-US">the
</span><span lang="EN-US">power process aimed at attaining autonomy", a physical </span><span lang="EN-US">(legal) </span><span lang="EN-US">friction
occurs between social logic and individual."</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">When I look back
on those days with considering both the sect's actual condition and Mr.
Murakami's quotation, I can say that Asahara concluded that "the
other-dependent power process" of the modern society would trigger off Armageddon
and would kill all humans, on the other hand, he concluded that only "autonomy" whom Asahara who said guru's will was absolute gave would save humans from Armageddon,
and would lead his disciples to a spiritual awakening. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">As for this dualism, it lacked the viewpoint that individual autonomy was
created as the mirror image of dependency in the first place. So, there was no
idea itself that the sect tried to find its position in the system of this
modern society, it can be said that, more than</span><span lang="EN-US"> a </span><span lang="EN-US">physical (legal) friction between social
ethics and individuals, Asahara concluded that changing the logic of his doctrine
into the social logic was salvation. This was nothing short of a fundamental
shakeup of the social system, and it can be said that this was nothing but the system
that could provoke an armed revolution. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">According to what I have learned after my arrest, in true training, it
seems that even if you have a mystical experience, you should not see it by objectifying
it. Because if you see it by objectifying it, you give it special value, and you
fall into deviation in which you form</span><span lang="EN-US"> </span><span lang="EN-US">self-satisfied autonomy which lacks the feeling
of dependency. I think the revelation "the Load leading the navy and fighting" that Asahara received from god is a typical example of this deviation. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In Buddhism, the importance
of removing self-obsession and having mercy to all</span><span lang="EN-US"> </span><span lang="EN-US">sentient beings is talked. It could be said that these are processes to tear down the ego which differentiates the self from others; to attain awareness of the interdependent stream in which humans, along with animals, nature, and the cosmos are as one; and to awaken this stream in each individual.<span style="color: red;"> </span>In
short, it can be said that this is a process to regain the balance of both the power
processes. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">However, Asahara abused
the training method to tear down the ego, made his disciples have mystical
experiences, he replaced the experiences with the world of truth. So, more
trained, his disciples lost his or her self more, lost the feeling of dependency,
swallowed the world of autonomy which was Asahara's fancies, and were identified
with it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In Asahara's religious
war logic, he justified himself by saying that god delegated the right and the power
to overstep the social rules to him in his arrogance to distinguish the savers from
the saved, the unordinary from the ordinary. And then, in the sect, both
Asahara and his disciples, being motivated by the desire to be identified with
god, they put themselves in the position of absolute truth, absolute good
beyond right and wrong, on the pretext of saving many people from Armageddon,
did various barbarous behaviors which were included in an armed revolution. I
think this is one truth of the sect's sins. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">At that time, I
believed that the identification with god which was said to have the will to save
humans was only the path to save myself, I didn't think it would be desire. Reviewing
what I thought and carried out, I have noticed that the loss of empathy with
others, namely dehumanization started exactly when I thirsted for salvation and
tried to identify myself with God or the person worshiped as an absolute being.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">About "a kind of
images of two mirrors", Mr. Murakami said "it is, in a way, our inner ghosts
(underground) whom we evade to face, consciously or unconsciously exclude from the
face of the</span><span lang="EN-US"> </span><span lang="EN-US">reality, isn't it?" As for these "inner ghosts", I think from my mistakes that these "inner ghosts" means that humans tend to lose sight of dependency, to be self-satisfied, to be identified with stories that others make up, and to be swallowed by them. In wars,
armed revolutions, religious wars repeated in human history, in order to knock the
foundation of the social system which is the origin of dependency, justification
of killings by collective violence was made because of these "inner ghosts", I
think. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">It is said that,
about World War II, propaganda saying "it is a</span><span lang="EN-US"> </span><span lang="EN-US">crusade to realize Arcadia and establish the
Greater East Asia Co-Prosperity Sphere" was spread throughout Japan. The Aum
Incidents were smaller in scale, but on the point that killing others was
justified as good in the name of god, it should be no different from the war. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In order not to
repeat tragedy, I keenly realize that we need to have a sense of humility to
think that there is no cause to deny the dignity of life, to think that this
world is full of contradictions, and to think that we human beings sometimes
make mistakes.<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-US"><a href="http://compassion1025yoshihiro.blogspot.jp/2016/12/so-as-not-to-have-mistake-repeated-in.html">Continued to the ninth chapter.</a></span></div>
compassionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05086958789910921941noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3483678683829549240.post-15828908462291895852016-11-22T06:41:00.000-08:002017-01-05T02:58:58.972-08:00So As Not to Have the Mistake Repeated by Future Generations, Chapter 7<a href="http://compassion1025yoshihiro.blogspot.jp/2016/11/so-as-not-to-have-mistake-repeated-in_14.html">Click here for the sixth chapter.</a><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Chapter 7 Prophecy</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Here, from the
viewpoint of why the sect caused the sarin gas attack on the Tokyo subway, I
will explain the main ideas that its purpose was fulfilling its prophecy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">At about 4:00 a.m.
we arrived at the second Aum Shinrikyo training facility, Asahara said "I will
meditate for thinking" and he got off limousine. In the limousine, nothing
concrete was not decided. Based on the evidence, it is assumed that at approximately
9:00 a.m. on the 18<sup>th</sup>, in order to prevent the compulsory
investigation, HM instructed the perpetrators to carry out the sarin gas
attack on the Tokyo subway, but as a total of the sect, like disposing illegal articles
such as AK rifles and so on from the morning of the 18<sup>th</sup>, it took
measures on the premise of the compulsory investigation. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Early morning of the
18<sup>th</sup>, HM said to me "I command members of Department of Science
and Technology for releasing sarin on subway trains. Before it, I want you to plant
time bomb at a place of Dr. Shimada, and to throw a firebomb to Aoyama training
hall", but I was not explained why we would trigger off these incidents. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">As for
self-provoking of my part, I could understand that the purpose would be laying
the groundwork for making the compulsory investigation be seen as oppression of
religion. However, about the sarin gas attack on the Tokyo subway, in the</span><span lang="EN-US"> </span><span lang="EN-US">limousine, the
conclusion was that it would be impossible to avoid the compulsory
investigation even if they released sarin, I couldn't understand its purpose, vaguely,
I imagined that Asahara decided to trigger off the incident as gods' will after
getting off limousine. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">At the night of the 19<sup>th</sup>, the police raided the Osaka
branch. In October, 1990, when the Kumamoto police had raided the sect by the
doubt of violation of the National Land Use Planning Act, the object had been
the sect in all of Japan, so by the raid on the Os<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a>aka
branch, the raid on all the buildings of the sect was just a matter of time, it
had already become a problem that went beyond merely preventing the raid or changing
its course. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In the gray of the
morning of the 20<sup>th</sup>, in the seventh Aum Shinrikyo training facility, HM said to the perpetrators of the sarin gas attack on the Tokyo subway "The
police raided the Osaka branch. The policemen entered the branch like mobile
troops. It is truly a war" when he sent them. This HM's word apparently
contradicts the saying that they triggered off the sarin gas attack on the
Tokyo subway in order to prevent the raid. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">What was the
purpose of the sarin gas attack on the Tokyo subway? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">From about 4:00 a.m. when limousine arrived at Kamikuishiki-village to
about 9:00 a.m. when the perpetrators received the instructions from HM, in
these five missing hours, I'm sure that Asahara and others decided it in conspiracy.
Although I was not in the conspiracy, if I suggest from the condition at that
time and actual situation of the sect, it is rational to see that Asahara
decided it for fulfilling his prophecy, on that, he intended to take
preparatory steps for making his disciples responsible for it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Asahara made his
own gods' revelation be gods' will, from Nostradamus's
Great Prophecies books, he read "in order to clear human accumulated</span><span lang="EN-US"> </span><span lang="EN-US">sinful deeds, god
will trigger off Armageddon and subsequent wars", "Nostradamus also predicted
that god or super humans who received god's will would trigger off huge wars to
ruin human beings" and he created his religious war theory. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Like this,
Asahara, as his identity, believed that he was a savor who would save humans
from the ruin, and who would create a new world, by triggering off Armageddon
written in various prophecy books. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Then Asahara had
triggered off the incidents which could be read from prophecy or astrology for
fulfilling prophecy. For example, the Kameido Bacillus anthracis attacks was
conducted by decoding of prophecy, the date of Matsumoto sarin gas attack was
decided by astrology. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-US">On January 1<sup>st</sup>,1995,
although the scoop about relationship between Matsumoto sarin gas attack and
the sect was carried in Yomiuri newspaper, on the 8<sup>th</sup> of the same
month, the sect had a talk between Asahara and HM titling "1995 predicted by
astrology" by the sect's radio network. There, he suggested that a "religious
war", in other words, an armed revolution by the sect would occur in November,
and that, between January and April, a "phenomenon" before its "purification",
in other words, a preliminary skirmish would occur. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">When I recall dispassionately,
if I see that Asahara, after the conversation in limousine, he meditated to
think, and then he made fulfilling of his prophecy decide the fate, the facts
and actual condition meets. During the investigation, I heard that a letter of
responsibility of the sarin gas attack on the Tokyo subway was found in KI's
personal computer, and I saw its copy. In the gray of the morning of the 20<sup>th</sup>,
the time when it had been printed out remained, the context was one which could
be read as a preliminary skirmish whose purpose was change of government. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">As for HM's
explanation that it was for preventing the raid to the perpetrators, it is
natural to see that it was a superficial excuse that although the raid was
inevitable and the sect might be broken down, it was easier to motivate the perpetrators
if he said that it was for protecting the sect rather than saying it was for
fulfilling prophecy. In essence, no matter whether preventing the raid would be
possible or not, on the 2<sup>nd</sup> of April, because I heard Asahara's
message from KH, "if I live till November, I'm sure I will overturn", for
Asahara, the sarin gas attack on the Tokyo subway was for fulfilling his
prophecy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">When I attended testimony for Asahara, he intimidated me saying "Think why HM died. If you didn't talk, that’s it". As for his saying, it
seems that, by saying so, he intended to take preparatory steps for making disciples
responsible for the sarin gas attack on the Tokyo subway. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">It also can be
seen in the evidence in which, in the morning of the 18<sup>th</sup>, when HM ordered the perpetrators, he didn't say it was Asahara's order, instead,
he said "you can refuse", in which, at about two in the morning of the 20<sup>th</sup>,
because Asahara scolded HM saying "pull yourself together, or you fail", HM tried to make the perpetrators who were in Kamikuishiki-village meet Asahara,
but Asahara wouldn't meet them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The Organized
activity in the sect was separated in three. The first was a level of Asahara. The
second was a level of those who constructed systems and led operation for
delivering Asahara's doctrine and action plan to all of the sect including
priests, laymen and laywomen, and those who innovated, planned, and recommended
various preparations for an armed revolution with Asahara. The third was a
level of those who conducted the decided principles and orders. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "century" , serif;"><br /></span>
In the Aum Incidents, Asahara and his disciples who were directly involved in the incidents at the site were subject to criminal liability. When Asahara's orders were delivered to his disciples, there are signs that level two disciples and Asahara had various talks. But they are not subject to even criminal liability by refusing to testify. In the sarin gas attack on the Tokyo subway too, after the talk in the limousine, there were the five missing hours between the talk and the orders to the perpetrators, and as for the letter of responsibility of the crime, because Asahara and they refused to testify, the essence of the true conspiracy, motivation for the crime, and its purpose are not reflected on the incident's plot itself (as if there were not their roles), and not solved.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://compassion1025yoshihiro.blogspot.jp/2016/11/so-as-not-to-have-mistake-repeated-in_29.html">Continued to the eighth chapter.</a>compassionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05086958789910921941noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3483678683829549240.post-76471670467731896502016-11-14T02:19:00.000-08:002017-01-05T02:58:47.830-08:00So As Not to Have the Mistake Repeated by Future Generations, Chapter 6<a href="http://compassion1025yoshihiro.blogspot.jp/2016/11/so-as-not-to-have-mistake-repeated-in_8.html">Click here for the fifth chapter.</a><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Chapter 6 Madness</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">After the scoop of Yomiuri newspaper of January 1<sup>st</sup> of 1995,
Asahara strictly blamed "you said you would be able to manufacture 7 tons of sarin
by December but you couldn't and we are in this situation. I did ordered to do
in December. What will you do?"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">At that time,
Asahara said in careless tone "That's enough about K". By Asahara's order,
I asked K who had been a policeman of Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department
Public Security Bureau how was secret investigation of the sect about Matsumoto
sarin gas attack after the scoop by Yomiuri. According to K, in his work
site, although he heard figuring out of purchase route of medicine was
conducted as the same as Yomiuri's line, he was only at the very lowest rung,
so he didn't know more. Then it was when I reported it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The latter 10 days
of January, Asahara ordered to kill Ryuho Ohkawa by spraying botulinum toxin
during his lecture in Yokohama Arena. One day before of his lecture, Ohkawa's whereabouts
was known, and it developed to VX attack to Ohkasawa, but there was no damage. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">On February 6<sup>th</sup>, Our plan to build various types of companies
and turn employees into disciples started, it was called Taiyoseijaku alliance.
I was ordered to make "matchmaking service". In this work, my subordinates who
had been in charge of study of issues of near future in CHS (intelligence department)
was ordered the same thing, in fact, the group was apart from CHS. On top of
that, SH was in charge of semiconductor factory which was under
control of HM, in order to gather information in Yugoslavia, as a leader,
SH took CHS's members. At that time, there were one thousand
several hundred samanas, but I could use only five samanas, of the three had
left the sect once but I had made them return. "It seems that Asahara fears
that power of subordinates or works will be gathered to me. If so, it is so dangerous." I felt I was nearly cornered. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">On the 9<sup>th</sup> of the same month, "Inoue, K, if you do the
same thing again, you are dead", Asahara was furious at the minister meeting. In
CHS, even samanas who could do accounting was not given, so I asked a female
samana who had been my subordinate at the time when I had been a general
manager of Tokyo to help. Its claim was delivered to Asahara; the reason was
the female samana had romantic feeling to me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">In mid-February, I was severely scolded by Asahara, "This happens
because you're not willing to do it. What do you think of gods' will?" He was
saying about the thing, for investigation of Mr. Ohkawa, samanas of the
Ministry of Home Affairs were dispatched, but they were unskilled, CHS's
samanas couldn't say a thing to them because they were in higher stage, so the
both couldn't cooperate, soon they were found by the side of Mr. Ohkawa. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Several days
later, when I was asked about how things were in Mr. Ohkawa's condominium, and
I reported, Asahara and HM started a plan in which they would prepare
microwave generating equipment to irradiate it to the condominium for killing
the all residents. I promptly let it slip that "nearly thirty young people are living
together inside. Are you going to kill them all?" Then Asahara said in
outrageous tone "they were all my disciples in their previous lives. They are
mistakenly under Ohkawa. They are not saved if I don't kill them." I was only
in silence. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">Several days after this, when I saw Asahara in eating place of the
sect, for the first time, for a moment, I wanted to kill him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">On the 23<sup>rd</sup>
of the same month, it was the day on which Asahara designated to kill Mr.
Ohkawa as gods' will, but we failed to manufacture microwave generating
equipment, so it was put off. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">On the 28<sup>th</sup>
of the same month, Mr. Kariya's incident. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The first ten days
of March, as for information gathering in Yugoslavia, there was talk about Plasma
weapon, as a purpose of making sure, I offered going there to Asahara, but he persisted
in NO. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">On the 8<sup>th</sup>
of March, I was ordered investigation if it was possible to set spray of botulinum
toxin on mass media, on the 11</span><sup>st</sup>, I reported it would be impossible to do to
mass media, I was ordered to conduct the attaché case incident.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">On the 13<sup>th</sup>,
after looking the site over, when I was eating in a family restaurant, I strongly
felt "why does he make me do this?" I thought "Half-finished is not good. If I
am watched by Asahara, even chance of running away disappears and I will be
killed. If I don't conduct this, I have no choice but to kill Asahara". I yielded
to severe self-hatred by the thinking. "I can't endure such a contradiction.
Because I can't deny Asahara, I have no choice but to deny myself", I was obsessed.
However, that alone is too</span><span lang="EN-US"> </span><span lang="EN-US">sad. "If toxin has been manufactured, it's like
setting nuclear weapons. If we make Japanese fabric of society which was made
to be a dependent country of US break down, path of Armageddon may change. It
may be gods' will. Yes, I will do for gods' will." I decided.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Before
noon of the 15<sup>th</sup>, when I saw the TV news about the attaché case
incident, I knew that one I had set was found without working, I thought "I'm
not able to conduct". Although I checked if it would work, unconsciously, I
didn't push the button. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://compassion1025yoshihiro.blogspot.jp/2016/11/so-as-not-to-have-mistake-repeated-in_22.html">Continued to the seventh chapter.</a></span></span></span></div>
compassionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05086958789910921941noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3483678683829549240.post-34782791762619130172016-11-08T21:07:00.000-08:002017-01-05T02:58:26.158-08:00So As Not to Have the Mistake Repeated by Future Generations, Chapter 5<a href="http://compassion1025yoshihiro.blogspot.jp/2016/11/so-as-not-to-have-mistake-repeated-in_7.html">Click here for the fourth chapter.</a><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Chapter 5 Hypocrisy</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In mid-September
of 1994, I headed to Mitsubishijuukougyouhiroshimakenkyuujo to invade, in
vehicle, I thought hard "I don't want to do such an invasion. I have fear. But
I have no choice. Because it is gods' will". <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Invasion was
successful, I obtained maps Asahara ordered to obtain. But he only blamed me
saying "your devotion is something wrong. Why didn't you copy all materials?
You are such an idiot without academic background". Such his abuses in which he
neglected my personality was the order of the day at that time. I blamed myself "I have suffering because my ego is still remaining", believing earnestly "it's
a gods' will", I repeated invasions to companies. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">On October 17<sup>th</sup>,
when I delivered an offering to Kamikuishiki-village in the night, Asahara suddenly
ordered "MT made VX. There is need to make sure it works. Use it
to Takimoto's car. Be careful because he is alarmed. Go immediately." At the
site, in a high building which was a little far away from lawyer Taro
Takimoto's house, there was light. "I am watched" I said to other members and was relieved.
When I reported it to Asahara, he said to himself "it can't be helped". <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">After that,
Asahara, like he made me retrieve the fact the plan about lawyer Takimoto fell
through after all, forcefully ordered me to obtain maps of NEC's laser. As for
the factory, I couldn't obtain other disciples' help, invasion was conducted
without enough preparation, I was found by a guard. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In mid-November, I
was investigated by the police about the abduction incident in Miyazaki, according to instructions of lawyer A, I stated "I am now conducting branch activity".
As such, I thought, as myself, as for conducting Vajrayāna, it already reached
its limits, when I reported to Asahara about investigation, I said "because
there is possibility that my statement may be checked, I'd like to return to
branch activity". Then he only said "what are you afraid of?" and showed no
sign of treating it as an issue. Several days later, Asahara ordered me to
investigate Mr. Mizuno's home without telling me its purpose. This started my
involvement in the series of the VX incidents. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In the middle of the night of
November 26<sup>th</sup>, I was in great distress while I was in a sleeping bag
in Imagawa's house. Immediately before, when I ran to Mr. Mizuno to spray VX, I
felt that our eyes met, so I ran away without doing anything. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">The feeling "I can't do this" couldn't be helped, but my thought was
focused on "if I was told to do even if so". Soon I started to be in great
distress, I eagerly remembered Asahara's word "if you can't, it's OK to make AY do it". Then, by implication, I told TN that our eyes had met
as a reason, he immediately decided to call Y. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Next morning, when AY took over the charge, I was filled with thought that I couldn't show my
unsteadiness to TN, so I had no room for</span><span lang="EN-US"> </span><span lang="EN-US">concerning with Yamagata. I am sorry I have
done Yamagata wrong. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">When I recall, within
this series of my inner conflicts were the all-too-human sins of hypocrisy and self-absorption.
I couldn't conduct Asahara's order because I couldn't believe the cause of salvation
enough in actual site. However, it was self-protection that I couldn't run away
from Asahara because of fear. However, the feeling "I can't" was shocking and I
was in great distress. At that time, Asahara prepared an escape route for me
saying that if I couldn't, he would make Yamagata do it, so I ran away there. Then
my distress disappeared. I think, as a part, I didn't need to face the reality
that I couldn't believe the cause of salvation enough, so I could continue
pretending to believe it. It was irresponsible hypocrisy itself without neither
consideration of other people nor honesty to myself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">On the other hand,
in order not to be noticed that I was avoiding conducting it, I calmly coped
with other things than conducting it, and repeated invasion in companies. And I
made myself be a tragic hero, I thought "somebody needs to conduct Vajrayāna
for salvation", I comforted myself with self-absorption in the mental
aspect of the cause while I was put in a hole by Asahara. The more I notice my
hypocrisy, the more I am berated up by a severe sense of guilt and self-hate. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">Why did I go that far with staying the sect? Sometimes I was said "in
short, you couldn't deny Asahara because you feared that you wouldn't be able to
reach emancipation and a spiritual awakening?", after Asahara held suspicion toward
me, and after I lost myself when I experienced overwhelming fear when I was forced
to take 1 mg of LSD, I had no such feeling. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">At that time, as
for all things including me, others, training, and salvation, the criteria changed
all the time by Asahara's one word, they became elusive. In it, Asahara was
all, I couldn't stand if I had a normal sense, and if I made myself have independence
and if I had rational thought in which I would head to emancipation and a spiritual awakening which was objectively defined. Instead, I was absorbed in
work in front of me, like I was depending on guru's will which only didn't
change, and what was named gods' will. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: -.1pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: -.1pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">After the incident of Mr. Tadahito Hamaguchi, soon I learned that he
died. At that time, felt like I was sinking in darkness. Then I thought "I cannot
be helped, I only have choice to go this way", I was more absorbed in work in
front of me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">When I recall,
normally, I should have thought what I would become in near future. However, at
that time, I couldn't think about what I would become in future. What I thought
was if my behavior was doubted by Asahara. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: -.1pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: -.1pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">In the last analysis, there was an aspect in which I treated a man
slightingly because I treated myself slightingly. At the time of the incident
of Mr. Hamaguchi, I didn't feel or think Mr. Hamaguchi as a human. I tried to
look at himself as one object of the work Asahara ordered, and actually I did.
These were violations of human life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I remember when
Mr. Hiroyuki Nagaoka came to meet me. Best of all I deeply apologized about the
incident. Mr. Nagaoka watched my eyes and glistened with tears. I again thought
what I did, I felt so apologetic, my eyes were only filled with tears. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">At that time, I totally lost human feeling like being moved to tears. At this time, I was continuously cornered to the limit, it was only for a moment, but I felt an intent to kill Asahara. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">In mid-February of 1995, I was ordered to bring an offering immediately
by Asahara, when I visited the sect's eating place, I saw Asahara singing
karaoke with being surrounded by young female samanas. I couldn't bear to look
at it, my ardor was dampened, without saying anything, I returned to vehicle. When
I sat down on the seat of the vehicle, I was shocked to know I was thinking "should
I spray him VX? Or, because it won't kill him, should I paint VX to a drawing
pin and set it on a sofa?" At the same time, I instinctively felt "if I leave the
sect, not only me but my all family will be killed, only way to be apart from
Asahara is to kill Asahara who orders killing". But I was sure I couldn't, I
was terrified about everything. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">When I recall, I
only was disconsolate and pitiful. But my subordinates and disciples whom I
ordered work were also involved in crimes. On thinking it over, at that time, I
only considered Asahara, I didn't have a sense of responsibility nor
consideration about my subordinates and disciples. Because it was part of
Asahara's order as doctrine, it was individual's training, I thought,
basically, it was for practicing charity. But as a fact, in order to conduct
Asahara's orders, I used my subordinates and disciples like they were my tools.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In the last analysis, one reason why I could't escape from Asahara's rule was because I did the same thing as Asahara did to me to my subordinates and disciples. Although I didn't use force, give fear, use strong language to my subordinates and disciples, I was the same as Asahara in that I used their religious beliefs.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><a href="http://compassion1025yoshihiro.blogspot.jp/2016/11/so-as-not-to-have-mistake-repeated-in_14.html">Continued to the sixth chapter.</a></span></div>
compassionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05086958789910921941noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3483678683829549240.post-30563583382987195602016-11-07T02:10:00.000-08:002017-01-05T03:02:48.733-08:00So As Not to Have the Mistake Repeated by Future Generations, Chapter 4<a href="http://compassion1025yoshihiro.blogspot.jp/2016/11/so-as-not-to-have-mistake-repeated-in_4.html">Click here for the third chapter.</a><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Chapter 4 Criminal</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Immediately after Mr. Kotaro Ochida incident (In January, 1994, in the sect's building in
Kamikuishiki-village, an ex-disciple Mr. Ochida tried to evacuate a female disciple with an ex-disciple her son but was caught, Asahara ordered the ex-disciple to kill Mr. Ochida), although I thought "dying in front of guru may be a happy thing.
But<span style="font-family: , serif;">…</span></span>", I couldn't
find the next word. I was only full of fear. And then both "fear" and "but" disappeared from my consciousness because Asahara gave me a warning "I think you might have already understood but since this is a murder…"</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">After the
incident, Asahara made his disciples chase the ex-disciple who broke a promise that he
would come to the sect, and then he was found in Akita prefecture. Although I
also was chasing, I personally feared that if I ran away, Asahara would
thoroughly chase using his disciples and money. Although ten including HM ,
TN, H rushed to the ex-disciple's apartment in midnight, the
police were called, we ran away. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">I think this well expressed my condition. I believed that conducting
guru's will was to help salvation, and also my training. But, in a place deeper
than my heart, I couldn't stand up to my fear toward Asahara and ran away, in
fact, I was ordered like being chased, concentrated on my work like I was running
away. No matter how much I ran away, the footsteps of fear chased me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">Immediately before we rushed to his apartment, in order to prevent
calling the police, I thought I had cut all telephone lines consciously. However,
after I was arrested, a prosecutor told me that the ex-disciple called the police
using phone in his room, that telephone line of only his room had been not cut,
the others had been all cut. This was what I unconsciously did. The fight
between my consciousness and mind which became like a shadow because of fear to
Asahara was only on this level. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In April 1994, in
front of twenty members of firing tour to Russia, Asahara said "Disciples who
will leave the sect must be killed. If you go home, all of your family will be
killed. Even if you ran away to the police station, I blow up there. Also, who
breaks the rule of no-sex will be killed. Inoue isn't an exception, too. But I let
those who want to get married go ahead and do so." In the same place as one
where Mr. Ochida was killed, I, being told by name, couldn't help but feel
fear. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">One day, when I was running in a park, when I saw American parent and
child were playing with swing, I thought "am I going to kill them?" Because
Asahara said that if fight began, he would kill all Americans. I only continued
running repressing my tears. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In June of the
same year, Asahaha did what was near to kill me mentally. According to
N's testimony in the trial, the reason was because Asahara had a suspicion that I might leave the sect because I couldn't concentrate on the
work. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">"You are a hopeless
person. Sufficiently meditate again and die" Asahara said, and he made me drink
1 mg LSD. Shortly before that, as a guinea pig of LSD, I was forced to drink
150 micro mg, temporally I was in breathing-stopped condition, I was near death. "If I lose consciousness now, I will die", although I immediately started to be
in a daze, I, by sheer force of will, I cheated guard samana, went into toilet,
drank water of toilet, and then vomited all in my stomach. I returned to my
room, and then I fainted. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">About half a day later, when I recovered consciousness, Asahara said "tell me what you are hiding", it was very strange, so I kept silence, and then
he threatened me "if you take too much LSD, you'll die. I think I have to force
you to drink it" in intimidating voice. After that, I was like a sandbag in
sparring, was forced to do training in which I enter high-temperature-bath to heighten
energy three times, and was finally released. After that, when I returned to my
room, "now I can't think anything, I can't feel anything. My life is in danger.
Now I only have to harden my heart", I lonely moaned. By this incident, my heart
was broken, and my mind as a human was increasingly lost.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">At that time, Mr.
TN, a member of firing tour to Russia, was killed because of his women
issues. KT left the sect, and then Asahara ordered to kill him. Mr.
TT who was suspected to be a spy was killed after torture. Every time
when I heard the facts, I "took fright", and felt like it was me. In each time,
I couldn't concentrate on work, like I was absorbed by them. In order not to
see, not to feel, I determined, and I concentrated on work in front of me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The fact that I
was involved in such condition was a well-earned punishment. As for a big
factor why I didn't leave the sect after Mr. Ochida incident, there was fear
that I would be killed if I left the sect. This was self-protection totally
against my wish to save people. And self-protection was totally against my seeking
for truth of emancipation in which I tried to overcome</span><span lang="EN-US"> </span><span lang="EN-US">selfish desire. I think I couldn't face
such contradiction because I feared Asahara, plus, I had no consciousness of
sin in contradiction of what I was doing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">At that time, I seriously believed "if everything will be extinct by Armageddon
which will come in any case, what kind of meaning does modern society’s life
have? In order to save many people, we should change the society which proceeds
to Armageddon". Asahara called this vajrayāna's salvation, it means to self-destroy
modern society by military power, I believed that Asahara was trying to open up
new peaceful society by repeating ill deeds and by bearing them. In the sect,
all works which Asahara ordered were said to have deep meaning for the cause. There,
sin meant to be against guru's will which was based on gods' will. Because it
meant to prevent path to save many people, to prevent each disciple's training.
In short, the criteria for good and bad was only guru'</span>s will.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Then I had no idea
to be against guru's will. Only thinking I couldn't do involved a sense of guilt,
I only blamed myself because I thought I was immature. Although I couldn't accomplish
what guru wanted me to do, as long as I did what I could to try and complete his
orders, I could depend on everything being okay. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">When I look back,
by swallowing the cause, I relied on Asahara about judgment good or bad, I renounced a natural sense of responsibility as a human about my behavior when I became a priest.
For this reason, although I conducted various shameful contradictions, I didn't
notice the fact. On the other hand, realizing guru's will was to help salvation,
it also became my training, I was in self-satisfaction of goody-goody good-man consciousness. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
In the final analysis, such swallowing of the cause and goody-goody self-satisfaction cornered me to the edge of my personality's disintegration, and made me "criminal" who was involved in many crimes.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://compassion1025yoshihiro.blogspot.jp/2016/11/so-as-not-to-have-mistake-repeated-in_8.html">Continued to the fifth chapter.</a>compassionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05086958789910921941noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3483678683829549240.post-67576426928164725392016-11-04T21:38:00.001-07:002017-01-05T02:57:58.403-08:00So As Not to Have the Mistake Repeated by Future Generations, Chapter 3<a href="http://compassion1025yoshihiro.blogspot.jp/2016/11/so-as-not-to-have-mistake-repeated-in.html">Click here for the second chapter.</a><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Chapter 3 Loss</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In the summer when
I was twenty years old, 1990, while samanas started their training for going to
higher stage, I was ordered to start training after my stage was lowered
without being told its reason.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">During training of
three days, Asahara's wife who was a training supervisor misunderstood that I
was dozing and I was repeatedly warned. After several after that, I was called
by Asahara to come. Asahara yelled "I heard you defied my wife. When will you
stop this madness? You such an idiot!", and he sentenced "from now, you should be
ready for Vajrayāna" in threatening tone, and then HI who was a female executive
locked the room. Taking hold of a stout, carbon-processed bamboo sword, Asahara
made me stand at attention, and swinging the sword like a baseball bat,
vigorously struck me in the back of my thighs. The dull sound of the sword
slamming into my muscles echoed, "whack!" The slow but incredible
pain shot through to my bones. After several such blows, my body was flung
forward.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">He scolded me to
"get up!" and I struggled to stand, my feet trembling. He stomped
just his feet, and with irregular timing, would continue to relentlessly hit me
with full powered swings of his sword, "whack, whack!" I felt a
biting pain again and again. I heard Asahara was yelling "there's more to
come!" I didn't know what's what because of yelling, fear and acute pain, I
felt like I was broken to pieces like glass was broken to pieces. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Finally, I faintly
heard Asahara was yelling "you know, I'm gonna beat you up until you fall". For
an instant, I felt power flew out from nowhere, and then I stood up. Soon, I didn't fall, I felt my legs were repelling
the sword. HI was counting, it seemed that I was hit about fifty times. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">"Let's call it a
day. You must know what will occur if you do this next time", I was threatened
and released. I clenched my jaw, I managed to walk, when I came to exit, I
couldn't stand up. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-US">After that, about 2
weeks of my memory had simply snapped away. But because N gave testimony
to this matter at the trial, 2 to 3 days later, I once again recalled in bits
and pieces that I had been converted to V</span>ajrayāna. At this time, I remembered
that I had tried to run away from the room, but door was locked, I was grappled
and was badly beaten. When I look back, because of this loss of memory, I think
I lost very precious "something" as a human.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">In the summer of 1991, when I was twenty-one years old, Asahara said
very harsh "you are an obstacle to salvation. You are only a chessman. Why
can't you do what you are told to do? Your idiot. One more say. You are an
obstacle. You should do as a chessman". At that time, Asahara created new
status "convert" as disciples, and tried to make many disciples who met the
condition. And then he gave me impossible quota, and I couldn't fulfill the
quota at all. It was the reason why I was scolded. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">In the branch office activities, samanas were taught that they should have
been a bridge<span style="font-family: , serif;"> </span></span><span lang="EN-US">between Asahara and his disciples as Asahara's chessman.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">If I was ordered
to make disciples become priests, I made them so without considering disciples' paths of lives nor connections with their families or friends. If I was told to
gather offerings by making disciples borrow money, I recommended offering
even if it came to corner disciples' lives. These were sin to humans, sin to trample
disciples' healthy will. But at that time, I was not aware of the guilt. Although
I acted based on Asahara's order, I saw disciples' distress by it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">I couldn't help but ask myself why I could be irresponsible. When I
look back, I believed that Asahara's order would be for salvation. It was
training of Daiingei, I thought that it was training and that's why it was irrational,
I had to do my best. But I never wished to lose human sentiment by it. However,
as for Asahara's tall orders, if I had human sentiment, many were impossible,
in following his orders, my sentiment was increasingly paralyzed, at the same
time, I think that human sentiment toward disciples was also paralyzed. Although
I was seeing disciples' distress, I began not to feel it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">What made my sentiment
paralyzed was my conceit that it was Daiingei training and salvation, and was my bigoted
mind which couldn't follow the voice of my conscience which said absurd things were absurd. I think this bigoted mind was the mind's figure of a person whose memory was severed
yielding to</span><span lang="EN-US"> </span><span lang="EN-US">terror of Asahara's violence.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">In 1993, when I was twenty-three years old, I was involved in spraying anthrax
at Kameido practice hall. I took part in sterilizing work for cultivating bacteria.<span style="color: #333333; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"> It was when I was cooling boiler
alone in the work. "Who in the hell would believe this? No, if I record this by
video, police may believe</span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "ms 明朝" , serif;">…</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #333333;">This may be the last chance to stop
this plan</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "ms 明朝" , serif;">…</span><span style="color: #333333;">"</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #333333;"> When I thought so, suddenly my body trembled, unspeakable terror wrapped me. "This is gods' will. Humans can't conceive such a plan. I can't prevent it. I
can't betray guru. If I do so, it is a heinous crime", fear to prevent gods' will was over fear to continue the work.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #333333;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #333333;">When it was ready to spray, Asahara sat in zen
meditation on the sofa having the start button, meditated for a while and then pushed
the button by himself. After that, because of the bad smell of the spray, residents
in the neighborhood surrounded the practice hall and there was a hell of a
noise. Only Asahara and Seigoshi evacuated by car, left samanas had only to confine
themselves. After that, Asahara pretended to rush there, explained "we sprayed</span><span lang="EN-US"> Chanel's </span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #333333;">perfume for a purification ceremony" to the residents.
In fact, in order to kill the smell, we put Chanel's perfume. Then the residents roared
with laughter, while samanas looked down at the ground, holding back their </span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #333333;">laughter. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">When I look back myself from the condition at that time, from spraying
method in which we mixed Chanel and anthrax, I think about children's innocent</span><span lang="EN-US"> </span><span lang="EN-US">cruelty. About
Asahara’s irrational orders, I believed they were Daiingei. I think this was the
same as children's innocence. Plus, I think this was the same as children's
cruelty. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">But I didn't want to be a person who do childish evil without
compunction. Asahara taught me ego was evil, I endured his orders, my ego was only
suppressed, and in doing so by myself, I think it's almost like we became
totally unable to see the enormity of our actions in the usual way we see
ourselves and perceive reality. It seems that there is one reason why disciples
committed such an outrage here. <span style="font-size: 11pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><a href="http://compassion1025yoshihiro.blogspot.jp/2016/11/so-as-not-to-have-mistake-repeated-in_7.html">Continued to the fourth chapter.</a></span></div>
compassionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05086958789910921941noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3483678683829549240.post-86021884810376845242016-11-03T06:21:00.000-07:002017-01-05T02:57:44.528-08:00So As Not to Have the Mistake Repeated by Future Generations, Chapter 2<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://compassion1025yoshihiro.blogspot.jp/2016/10/so-as-not-to-have-mistake-repeated-in.html">Click here for the first chapter.</a></span><br />
<span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Chapter 2 Reversed</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt;">When I met Asahara, he was straightforward and did not show off, and his words and
actions were the same, so I believed that he was seriously trying to devote
himself to others. It was also my ideal father image. On top of that, he had a
huge capacity for accepting everything. It was also my ideal mother image. When
I joined a seminar in the winter when I was a sophomore in high school, Asahara
had a high fever and fell over because he had done too much ceremony in which
he had sent "ki". And then in his preaching, he talked in dizziness "mercy is
to think about other people when one is completely cornered". I believed that
Asahara devoted himself and I was so moved.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt;">After that, the sect began teaching "don't think by yourself". In the
summer when I was a third-year high school student, about the relationship between guru
and disciple, Asahara asked me "a disciple should not ask anything even if he
or she has any question, a disciple should continue doing what guru tells to do
without asking. Can you?", I automatically answered "I will try to do my best".
But at that time, I felt unbearable pain in doing what I couldn't consent. Although
I wished to become a priest, Asahara instructed me to go to university to
become a lawyer without telling me its reason, so I was confused. I was told
that the confusion was because of ego, although I felt a sense of self-disgust,
I started having question if it was all right to throw oneself into guru. Also
I thought that earnestly following guru and pursuing pleasure to forget about sufferings
were the same. I felt an infinite sadness no matter what I did, like I was
deceiving myself. In my diary, on August 31<sup>st</sup>,1987, I wrote "I feel
that forgetting suffering is what I most feel painful."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt;">At that time, I
couldn't pursue contradictions and ego which I couldn't abandon although I
tried to abandon, which followed me like a shadow any more. I believed "guru
won't lead me to wrong path", and I persuaded myself not to think by myself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt;">Looking back, I think not to think is to stop being a human. In the
sect which told me not to think, the answer was decided that guru's thoughts
were right about everything. In it, although uneasiness in thinking "what is
justice" disappeared, also possibility of being troubled for maturing
disappeared. And then without asking other person's opinions, I began stopping
being conscious about other person's position. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt;">In 1988, when I
was eighteen years old, when I became a priest, my parents came to see me off
to Shinkansen platform. When I bowed my head to my parents, I couldn't look up
because my eyes were streaming with tears. In Shinkansen which headed to Tokyo,
I told myself "Even if we are family, if we are in the ring of joy and sorrow
of compassion, suffering will endlessly continue. I will express emancipation
which is outside of the ring, and I share it with my parents. It is never a
thing to grieve". <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt;">In the summer, Asahara who had returned from India suddenly shouted in the
center of the sect, and he slapped male samanas (priests) one after another,
also my head was slapped. And then he said "this is V</span>ajrayāna. I removed your karma".
Although I had been taught that, in Mahayana, mercy was to devote oneself to
others, in Vajrayāna, it changed to say that mercy was to remove other person's
evil deeds he or she committed in his or her previous life by giving others
pains. Although I understood it was reasonable as its doctrine, I was shocked "gee,
it will be going too far". But because I adored esoteric Buddhism, I told
myself "don't fear. It is all right if I can start from what I can". Looking
back, the reason why I accepted Asahara's violation although I felt fear and
uneasiness was because I aimed too high to be a good boy because I wanted to
learn esoteric Buddhism.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt;">As for my childishness to be a good boy in front of Asahara, it was
what I had been doing when I had been his believer for being recognized by
Asahara. It was because I was told that it was necessary for disciples. However,
when I honestly look at myself, I felt pride in being a good boy, and I was even
self-absorbed in such behaviors. One reason why I proceeded to the path to
adult reversely was because I was mean to be such a good boy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt;">In April, 1989,
when I heard Asahara's preaching declaring firmly "we can only fight", I
thought "if I fight, doesn't it become only karma? First of all, truth must not
be ruined?" And then when I heard the calling for disciples’ agreement with
Asahara who said "let's fight for the truth", for the first time, I relapsed
into silence. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt;">At that time, I
was nineteen years old, and for the first time, I was suffering in love with my
subordinate. In the sect, just having feelings of love was not allowed, our relationship
was against the rules. Moreover, I was suffering from a sense of sin that I was
betraying Asahara. But it was only for a half of a year. The sect rapidly
became larger, management system became stricter because of an anonymous report,
and then Asahara came to know our relationship. As a punishment, I was ordered
to conduct seclusion of no food, no water in aluminum container under blazing
sun of August for four days. I was like in sauna, in the second day, I had no
sweat, my heartbeat was faster and then more slowly. The door was locked from
outside, going outside was impossible, for the first time in my life, I was fear-ridden
thinking that I might die. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt;">After that, I bumped
into her who was waiting for Asahara on Japanese-style mattress in Asahara's
room. Although I lost my breath, I only blamed myself who couldn't lose myself
for Asahara. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt;">When I think about
it now, I think I was scared to feel and consider anything more than that. At
this point, I think I was in condition in which I was mentally emasculated as a
man. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt;">The reason why I
fell silent to Asahara's calling for the first time at that time might be
because my body reacted that the truth Asahara was insisting was powerless in
front of easiness naturally created in natural contact with her. It might be one
of few chances to regain myself during losing myself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt;">But it flew away
because of mortal anxiety in four-day seclusion of no food and no water, too. The
lesson that loving other person was not allowed was driven into my head, I
became a person who couldn't face love. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt;">Now, I am in the process of learning that it is indeed through the pain of loving that I have been able to establish myself. I think that people can nurse consideration for others naturally
in loving each other. In the sect which forbade to love someone,
to grow as a human was impossible. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .05pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt;"><a href="http://compassion1025yoshihiro.blogspot.jp/2016/11/so-as-not-to-have-mistake-repeated-in_4.html">Continued to the third chapter.</a></span></div>
compassionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05086958789910921941noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3483678683829549240.post-49726734936115142842016-10-30T20:00:00.000-07:002017-01-05T03:03:08.114-08:00So As Not to Have the Mistake Repeated by Future Generations, Chapter 1<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-para-margin-left: 0gd; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="text-indent: -18pt;">We post the private note of Yoshihiro Inoue here
(with his permission).</span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">As the private note is long, it will be
posted chapter by chapter.</span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="text-indent: -18pt;">Please read the following. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<span style="font-size: large; text-indent: -18pt;">Chapter 1 Why? </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">I've been pondering
on countless occasions why I perpetrated a heinous crime after my arrest. In
the final analysis, before joining Aum Shinrikyo, I already had problems.</span><span lang="EN-US"> </span><span lang="EN-US">Going back to the
past, it was because I didn't understand what a religion is, it seems to me
that it was because I didn't open my eyes to the meaning of being contradiction with human life. On top of that, my weak point of personality is
to be impatient, to play cool, and to make a quick judgment. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">As an event which symbolizes
these problems, I remember when I visited my maternal grandmother who was admitted
to a geriatric hospital. It was just full of old men and old women, and their unspeakably sad-looking eyes followed me around. "It's like a modern Ubasuteyama(mountain where old women are
abandoned) here! Although they had been devoted themselves to children and society,
they are secluded such a place and only waiting to die, I have to do my best
about this." I felt sad and anger. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">If I try to
realize my thought at that time, "I have to do my best about such a thing", why people can feel easy to leave their beloved ones admitted to a geriatric
hospital where I thought that the aged were abandoned, I should have opened my
eyes to such human contradiction. But I one-sidedly longed for the utopia which had no contradiction. Looking back now, although it was young man's sense of
justice, it was perilous without knowing the world. I think one reason why I
was attracted to such utopia is because of the discord within my family. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">I remember when I
was a kindergarten student, my mother attempted suicide. My mother fell on the
floor of kitchen. "What? Yoshi, come here". My mother swingingly raised her body and beckoned
to me. Although I wanted to fly to bosom of my mother, but I couldn't, I wanted
to run away, but I couldn't. Finally, I heard an ambulance siren, my mother
cried "Please leave me die. Please leave me alone", she was carried into ambulance,
and it ran away leaving me. Since then, I always trembled to think about my mother.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">As for my father, I
remember he was behaving violently in my house. If occasionally my mother and I
had a meal with my father, he suddenly shouted and flipped the chabudai over. My
mother screamed and quarreled with my father, and then she retired to the room
on the second floor. My father sustained in the drawing room on the first floor, and
my elder brother immediately went back to his room. Nobody cleaned the room, always
I did, I was excessively sad, I cried alone. But about such my family, I didn't
think to be unhappy. When I was a child, I loved documentaries and I knew that
there were many people who had nothing to eat and suffered in the world. Although my father
didn't smoke, didn't drink, didn't do gambling, and was a serious man, when I saw
my father who couldn't take his ease even at home, I began thinking "there is
no happiness in his way of living". When I was in middle school, I
couldn't have ideals what kind of adult I wanted to be. At that time, I learned the idea "deliverance
from the wheel of life" of yoga through Martial
arts that I studied by myself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">Although I couldn't believe in the philosophy of rinne (a belief in
reincarnation), by the fact it was said clearly that world is mutable, I was
moved to think that I met the truth without deception for the first time. Then
I felt that all happiness is chained to mutable suffering without exception,
and I was shocked to think humans were living in so endless sufferings. I was
attracted to emancipate myself from the suffering, and I thought that I found
what I would like to do in life for the first time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">As for the above
itself, I think it was not things to be blamed if I caused no one inconvenience.
I think that my great offense was to be constrained by the word "social
revolution by developing spirituality" of Agonshu I met in searching what emancipation
was by self-study without studying the context. What was said was "the modern
society is full of various problems, if human mental ability stays the same,
humans use modern technology violently and then humans may come to end, by only
developing spirituality, humans can escape from such risk". Aum called this relief
from Armageddon by gods' intention. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">Thinking back now,
this was not religion nor thought, but it was an agitation which </span>agitated saying that changes of individuals
were widely used to changes of society, it was an illusion.</div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">But at that time,
I was fifteen years old, and I took it seriously and my passion was </span><span lang="EN-US">flamed up to think I should have done
something. But when I entered Agonshu sect, I found that it lacked the
developing spirituality and I disappointed. But because Asahara suggested the
part, I was interested, I entered Aum when I was sixteen years old, and then I fell
into it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">Is there an answer to sufferings and sadness of human beings? Now, I
realize how hard it is to face sufferings which have no answer. Asahara drew the conclusion
that sufferings were only sufferings, and taught that there were true happiness, emancipation
in another place where there was no suffering, and he called the path truth.
I believed that there was an answer to mutable sufferings in Asahara's
teachings, tried to obtain it, believed that it would be salvation for everyone, and spread his teachings. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">At first sight,
Asahara's teaching seems to be the same as emancipation from sufferings of transmigration,
at that time I understood so. However, after my arrest, I was shocked to learn that
what Buddhism originally tries to deliver is not the saving from sufferings
based on simple dualism which divides good and bad. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">To be specific, it
seems that religion's essence is to know love which spreads in one's heart for
the first time when humans bear and accept sufferings of various contradictions
which humans create and to raise one's character. I think this was obviously the path to be an adult. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-US">So there is no clear answer to suffering, on the contrary, believing that there is the answer
given by other person, and relying on it were to lose oneself, and it was a trap of religion. Like Asahara's teaching, teaching which rejects human contradictions
can't be said as religion, it was only for losing mind as a human.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
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At the age of 16 I
fell into the trap of religion. In the sect, it was as if the experiences so
precious to becoming an adult were taken away from me.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://compassion1025yoshihiro.blogspot.jp/2016/11/so-as-not-to-have-mistake-repeated-in.html">Continued to Chapter 2.</a> </div>
compassionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05086958789910921941noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3483678683829549240.post-26236528180045512532016-10-25T00:00:00.000-07:002017-01-19T02:45:11.113-08:00About this Blog<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "century" , serif;">Today,
terrorist attacks by religious groups occur frequently worldwide. How
can we solve this problem? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "century" , serif;">In Japan, the
Subway Sarin Gas Attack by the Aum Shinrikyo (the Aum Supreme Truth cult) occurred in 1995, causing many casualties and 12 deaths. Its leader and many members of the
sect were arrested and prosecuted in a series of Aum-related cases. In
December 2009, the death sentence given to Yoshihiro Inoue, one of the former members, was upheld. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "century" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "century" , serif;">Mr. Inoue
was initially sentenced to life in prison at his first trial for his
involvement in the Subway Sarin Gas Attack and other activities. However, he was sentenced to
death in his second trial, and the Supreme Court dismissed his final appeal
to the death sentence. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "century" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "century" , serif;">After his
arrest, he separated himself from the Aum Shinrikyo at an early stage, deeply regretting what he had done. He has been seeking a way to make reparations
for his crimes ever since. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "century" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "century" , serif;">We are
acting to support Mr. Inoue's appeal to the death sentence so he will be able to make reparations for his
crimes. We stand with him as he faces his crimes, and wish to think about them together. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "century" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "century" , serif;">In this blog,
we will publicize the personal notes he wrote in prison. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "century" , serif;">We hope that we can help prevent similar incidents from happening again by providing readers of this blog the opportunity to learn about the
current thoughts of Mr. Inoue, his experiences with the Aum Shinrikyo, and the process of his separation from the cult's ideas, and by sharing the lessons learned from the incident. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "century" , serif;">Moreover, while more and more countries are abolishing the death penalty, Japan still retains this system. This blog intends to provide
opportunities to think about what it means to make reparations for crimes, and
alternative ways to atone for them other than the death penalty.</span>compassionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05086958789910921941noreply@blogger.com